we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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