I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
