omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
