Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Randomize
