cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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