After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
