He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize