I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
