my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
