Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
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