accomplished twins. life is a go
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
