Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
