I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
