I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
