Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
