So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
