If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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