One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
