I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Randomize
