she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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