I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
