so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She's the barista slut.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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