I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
