It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Success! We fucked roommates!
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
