i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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