she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
