The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
