Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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