That's intense
He had one of those small greek statue penises
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
