so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
