And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
