I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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