i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
