i need an iv and a liver transplant
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
