i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
