If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
