I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think i got beer on your cat.
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