Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
