I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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