I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
