the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
