she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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