Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
