Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
