i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
