Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
