Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
