I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
