It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize