I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
