I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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